Me me me me me me me and maybe you if I feel like it.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

To Bacon or not Bacon?

Even as the nation is griped in fear over the current outbreak of swine flu, a new challenger to its crown has emerged; again biding it’s time in our favourite meat vending machine, the swine AKA P.I.G. The new challengers name is not in fact new at all. Like flu it’s as old as humans themselves, Ebola.

Let me say that again, EBOLA…….That brief pause was for you to shit yourself. According to researchers the virus has been spotted in P.I.G for the first time in history. That’s along time. Why the fear? Why the fuck do you think? Are you retarded? Have you never seen Outbreak? Have you not seen what this fucking virus does? It eats you and makes you bleed like a nun being broken into! Screw the flu this bitch is going to fuck us over!

There is no evidence at all that this new swine Ebola virus can be passed on to humans. Just like there was no evidence that swine flu could do the same. We are all fine. Be calm in your happy hippy blue sky world where pigs don’t eat humans alive.

I’m off for a BLT, no fucking virus is going to stop me from enjoying that. You take your swine disease shit and shove up a lambs arse!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

MCMONKEYplc shares suspended!

Brentford, UK, EU, Earth, Sol, Milky way: The shares of MCMONKEYplc (MCM) have been suspended on the EG stock exchange. EG regulators imposed the current sanctions on MCMONKEYplc due to a seemingly unprovoked pre-empitive strike on the special status company Bengali. It is believe the fragile nature of the victim was the main reason for the sanctions. EG regulators claim a warning was issued to the board of MCM just last month.

In a statement issued by MCM chief, Nirav Patel said "That motherfucking retarded company had it coming (refering to Bengali) . Their fucking existance is an affront to all human kind and the level of ignorance, sloth and prejudice displayed by them needs to be destroyed. The world needs to be rid of this. Today we have had sanctions imposed on us for attack without warning, we accept this. However from whence we are reborn we shall strike down on thee (again reffering to Bengali I guess) from a great height and scream THOU SHALL NOT PASS!".

Those close to the cheif, claim he is just experiencing frustration caused by Spanish giants Real Madrid pipping the company team, Manchester United, to most of their summer targets.

This was cemented by the cheif's comment last night, " Those fucking Real Madrid cunts again?! I am going to rip the fucking arsehole out of each and every member of that club and feed it to their cats! Then we'll see who they can buy! Eat that blatter you cunt!"

Interesting times at MCMplc.